Dating is a multi-stage process:  first we get to know someone, and then we explore what it’s like being intimate with them. The problem is, everyone wants to skip the first step and get on with the second.  It’s a mistake to gloss over the getting-to-know-you process just because "your new guy" is a good catch. One of the best ways to get to know the person you’re dating is to help him get to know you.  To know the other, you must be known yourself.  You get valuable information from how he responds to you and you begin ...

I think dating is easier for straight couples. For one thing, if your straight everyone wants to fix you up with someone they know. But gay guys are really at a disadvantage when it comes to language about dating. And language often affects how we see and interpret reality. Think about it. There is no gay equivalent of words like “fiancé” or “engaged” that imply a relationship has progressed to a certain level of seriousness (though still short of lifetime commitment). If you go back 20 years or so, gay men didn’t talk about “dating” at all. Partners ...

Aren’t fantasies great?  You can enjoy an erotic fantasy when you're all by yourself, with a partner, or even during a dull moment at a family reunion. Fantasies are natural, easy, inexpensive, personalized.  If it’s your fantasy, you get to call the shots and create a partner, a scene or an entire world, all shaped to your liking.  Your fantasy may be fairly ordinary (sex with your favorite actor, for instance) or it may be unique to you. Getting lost in a fantasy is a different story.  Bill, a professional guy in his mid-30’s, landed the man of his ...

He is not my boyfriend, that's what you call someone when you're under thirty. He is not my partner, because partners tend to agree on things. He is my spouse." The UCLA Art | Global Health Center presents an important and timely photography and video project entitled 13 Love Stories, directed by Gideon Mendel. The overarching goal is to raise social and public awareness about the civil rights of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender couples and their families. ...

Self-doubt and self-criticism are at the root of much shyness. We have mistaken beliefs (“Everyone’s looking at me!”) that hold is back.These beliefs keep us from having the sort of meaningful, intimate relationships we want. A good first step is to notice the self-talk going on all the time between your ears.  Recognize negative voices that give you critical, defeatist messages.  Once you start to recognize them you’re no longer on autopilot.  A thought is not the same thing as a reality.... You can begin to assert some control.  A good place to start is simply by labeling ...

Tips For Coping With Rejection The following are some ideas to help you reframe the way you think about rejection so it doesn’t seem so unbearable. Your negative beliefs can have a strong hold over you because they’re trying to protect you against perceived threat or harm, so some of these tips might inspire an “oh please!” or “yeah right!” attitude. Let your mind be open and pick and choose those that might best fit your personality and style. View any resistance you may feel as an indication that your self-protection mechanisms may have been triggered and refuse to be ...

“Well, it was really nice meeting you, bud, but I don’t really think we’re a match. Good luck to you though!” –or- “Yeah, it was fun! I’ll call you!” –and then the call never comes. Sound familiar? We’ve all been there at one time or another. You know, that stabbing feeling of being unwanted that’s so hard to shake when it strikes. Yep—rejection!  Rejection of all forms is a natural part of being human, from being declined for a job or being refused participation in a certain club. But as a single guy on a quest for a life partner, ...

Love is more than gazing at each other, it's about looking together in the same direction. ...

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We don’t have to be victimized by the system! In actuality, gay men and lesbians can take pride in the fact that we are quite resilient in the face of having to deal with so much stress to achieve the self-acceptance that can be more easily afforded heterosexuals just because their sexual orientation matches the expected mainstream norm. We rock! And that requires self-esteem. 8 Quick Tips for Greater Risk-Taking Efforts If you find that you struggle with shyness, insecurity, anxiety, or inhibition about going after the things you want in your life, the following suggestions might help you in ...

There is probably no greater topic of importance to gay dating and relationship success than self-esteem. How you feel about yourself definitely translates itself in everything that you think, feel, and do. Having confidence and a belief that you have value and worth gives you that extra boost you need to take risks that will improve your life. It gives you that little extra sexy appeal and makes you feel positive and attractive to yourself and others. It also helps you in making sound and responsible decisions that will ensure you’re living with integrity. Additionally, when you feel good ...

Healthy intimate relationships, whether dating someone rather casually or being committed to a life partner, call for a bit of a balancing act. Intimacy requires an ability to act selflessly sometimes -- to put the other guy’s interests on a par with our own. At the same time, if we don’t get our own needs met, we are going to experience this relationship as pretty damn unfulfilling. We want to maintain our individualism, but also to open our hearts in a way that allows us to grow closer. Healthy relationships require taking responsibility for our own selves, while ...

Some men are pretty good at dating, but seem mysteriously unable to close the deal and form a lasting and committed relationship.   There are plenty of reasons why this might be the case; one reason is that we often have unfinished business elsewhere in our lives that keeps us distracted or unavailable for the sort of intimacy that demands our fullest attention. Unfinished business comes in many forms. For some men there are issues left over from their growing-up years that haven’t been resolved – issues like abuse within the family of origin, or stuff that created feelings of ...

  “Love Is When The Other Person's Happiness Is More Important Than Your Own.” ...

Love Is The Condition In Which The Happiness Of Another Person Is Essential To Your Own ...

There is a saying that healthy families are alike, but unhappy ones are each unhappy in their own unique way.I’m not certain that this is strictly accurate. Still, there are certain attributes of relationships that tend to mark them as healthy or unhealthy. Healthy intimacy is a dance that honors and enjoys our partner while not losing our sense of individuality. Time and activity with our partner must be balanced by activities we do by ourselves or with people other than our partner. There are gender patterns that seem to emerge in relationships: men tend to be good ...

Opening yourself to what you are feeling is an important first step towards increasing your capacity for intimacy. Take a breath. Notice what you are feeling in the moment. Learn to recognize the sensations, including the bodily sensations, which accompany emotions. Shallow breathing may indicate anxiety, for instance. In fact, psychotherapist Fritz Perls called anxiety “excitement without the breath.” The next step towards lowering the walls and increasing the intimacy in your life is to become more comfortable with sharing your feelings with others.Take responsibility for what you are experiencing rather than attributing it to someone else. Keep it ...

Travis & Greg13LoveStories.com is a unique multimedia advocacy project that profiles the moving stories of thirteen couples whose lives were profoundly affected by Proposition 8 - the California ballot initiative that eliminated the right of same-sex couples to marry. ...

“Why can’t I sustain a relationship for more than two months?” “Aren’t there any decent guys out there?” These are common questions raised by many single gay men describing their frustration and hopelessness with their dating quests for true “boyfriend material.” Trapped in vicious cycles of unfulfilling dating experiences, many gay men begin to feel powerless, disappointed, and disillusioned. Not only do they begin to lose confidence, but they can even start to succumb to the dangerous stereotypical myth that long-term gay relationships are not possible. “Vision” is one sure-fire way to short-circuit this belief and create opportunities ...

You look across the crowded bar to the target of your interest on the other side of the room. He’s dashingly handsome in a leather jacket, leaning up against the wall watching the videos on the TV screen as he sips at his beer. He senses your presence and shifts his eyes in your direction to meet your gaze. He holds the eye contact briefly before looking away. Moments later, he looks back and connects with your eyes again, this time holding the gaze a little bit longer. You slightly raise your eyebrows and shoot him a quick ...